I just want to live in a van by the river!!

It’s feels like you’re pulling the rug from under me…I didn’t move out here to sleep next to dog shit but that’s right where you’ll put me for a little extra cash, go ahead, phrase it anyway you want and keep making excuses. I would’ve never considered what you’re starting to playfully imply had I been where you are, I never would have given you false hope of getting ahead in life. What a fucking facade of goodwill between family I haven’t seen in years; at least where I was before I had support from friends; now I’m alone still drowning in my thoughts and subject to your jock ego, helping you get yours while I still plainly struggle with mine while you seemingly turn a blind eye with no chance in sight of you even wanting or caring to help like I’ve been doing for you. I’m just two hands and a storage issue in your mind. And here I thought we were getting closer. I really hope you’re not fucking me around and if you are, I hope you don’t hide it by acting like you don’t know what you’re doing- that’ll only making things worse.
Because now I’m starting to think that I should leave you alone to be a cliche douche in Hollywood by yourself…of course I’ll still help you, though I’m just not sure about who I thought you were to me anymore.
I’m just tired of wherever I go money seemingly being a major factor in deciding whether I’m worth anything to someone or not…what an “all or nothing” type of feeling that really resonates with me, reoccurring again and again through different individuals who don’t seem to think too much of me or see even past themselves.
Anddd so I come to the thought of living in an econoline van by a river, being a wifi-bandit, playing music loud, smoking bud everyday, resisting division, the rest of this greedy country, and finding something worth doing with my life as long as I’m happy doing it because I’m a goddamn free agent because the thought of that freedom makes me smile since moving out has made me a slut in light of the standard of living haha so fuck being a homeowner, that’s not the game I want to play right now. There’s bigger fish to fry than slave over bills in today’s modern dust bowl.
-end-